March 27, 2013

DWPhilly
This is just wonderful.
March 26, 2013 at 9:29 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND
L PierroNew York
Kudos Marty for stimulating this dialog on one of the defining issues of the next 50 years – the aging of the Baby-Boom generation. The comments show just how personal this issue is, and how it impacts all of us, uniting us in our desire for life until death. What some of those commenting don’t realize is that Marty’s eloquence masks the struggles he has faced, and conjures up images of a scholarly professor in an ivory tower. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Entering the long-term care world before age 50 is unimaginable for most, even worse with your mind fully in tact but your body ravaged by Parkinson’s. How ironic that it happened to someone who was already fully engaged in long-term care as a pioneer in the insurance industry, a twist worthy of Kafka. But Marty believed deeply in what he did, and bought a policy in his early 40′s. It has served him well, and we can all learn from that, too.
For me, assisted living was experienced through my mother, who had Alzheimer’s, and was lucky enough to find a good facility when living at home became impossible. And through Marty, who was not so lucky the first time around, but has found a place he can live comfortably in. We have been friends for 25 years, and I have learned a great deal from him, both before and after his illness. Now, his unique perspectives from inside the LTC world shine a light on the need for humanity to embrace the aging process, revere it, and give it the attention it deserves.
March 26, 2013 at
9:29 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND
Berkeley BeeSan Francisco, CA
Mr. Bayne writes quite accurately, and with poignance, when he calls us all out as “This culture of people with tiny hearts who live on glaciers of ambition.” Sadly, on target. I will not forget this column or this phrase soon. Thank you, Mr. Bayne.
March 25, 2013 at 4:08 p.m.REPLYRECOMMEND1
rssteinAmherst, MA
My wife who suffers from Parkinson’s and is recovering from some broken bones from falls recently returned home from an Extended Care facility. The facility was excellent and, being retired, I could spend several hours a day with her and join her for lunch. Despite this being good, she enjoys being home where I and my daughters can provide caregiving, and we can afford to have people come in to help. Hoiwever, Medicare does not pay for such home help, even though it is cheaper than nurding home costs. We need better ways to make it possible for such people be at home where the environment is often more enjoyable and stimulating. I believe adequate home care, with necessary help is a better solution than intitutional care. As an 87 year old, I think of what I want in the future. I certainly would prefer to be at home. A saving grace is that I’m a “computer nerd” and enjoy keeping up with the world’s events and having electrtonic contact with friends. My hope is that I can continue doing this as long as possioble. I have met the famous physicist, Stephen Hawkings, who continu
es to produce and make important contributions despite a debilitating illness. His is a fortunate way to satisfy one’s needs.
March 25, 2013 at 8:25 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND3
P.Ellen KChicago
With no disrespect to Mr Bayne, his Q&A responses are clueless at best and elitist – the product of a man who ran a successful business. Most people don’t fail in that category. If the gate keeping question to get into assisted living is whether and what your passion is at that time of your life, most would fail. The elderly in my acquaintance- my parents, my aunt and uncle, the friends of theirs I have known for more than 50 years have reached the point where any passion could be better described as an effort to not just slog through a day..
I get that he wants to live with people who are mentally vigorous, but by the time most people choose or have to go into assisted living, that is one more item that does not work very well any more. It is not the Little Old Lady chorus line of Mel Brooks out there
The majority of middle class/professional /formerly white collar people with whom I am acquainted struggle financially at life’s end. His criteria would have them pressing their faces to the glass while people like Bayne, who had money and some remaining energy and ability for social interaction “maximize their potential”.
Don’t forget t toss
them a piece of cake on your way out , Marie, er, Mr Bayne.
March 24, 2013 at 2:20 p.m.REPLYRECOMMEND1
mkbayneCenter Valley PA
Elitist? Why is it that the most vigorous challenges are always from those who have no solutions of their own? (and have never actually lived one day in an institutional aging facility.)
March 25, 2013 at 8:21 a.m.RECOMMEND2
Berkeley BeeSan Francisco, CA
I am delighted that Mr. Bayne has expressed himself so well AND, I am sure, he reflects the perspective of people of the 20th and 21 century as they age.
I know that I have heard many of the same comments from my mother who will turn 87 later this year. She did not have a high-powered career, but was a long-time administrative assistant (until the age of 72!), and a mom and a wife.
Mom still lives i
n the same house where all four of us kids grew up and it is becoming more of a “job” that an joy.
As we all start to look at options, she wants and needs to live in a place where she is challenged and there is a lot of stimulation. We want her to have that kind of environment, too!
March 25, 2013 at 4:08 p.m.RECOMMEND2
CaseySanta Ynez, CA
Mr. Bayne is speaking for himself and what would work for him. I’m sure there are many people who would benefit from implementing his ideas.
My mother lived in 2 assisted living places before she finally died last April. At the first one she had a small 1 bedroom apartment. She was quite ambulatory and enjoyed many activities, mostly Bridge which she played at least once a week. But I don’t think she would have liked doing small jobs in the community. She did do her own laundry for years and I think that was enough. Nor would she have wanted to participate in a group meeting every week to talk about how things were going. That was not her style. Maybe not her generation’s style.
When her health deteriorated she moved to an assisted living, special care facility She had her own room. There were many people at that place that were in similar circumstances. There was 1 woman who loved to help the care givers sort laundry. Others played bridge (my mom), played in a Bell Choir (my mom) and were involved in various other activities, depending on their
abilities. Some were just content to stay in their rooms.
I don’t think a 1 size fits all approach will work for everyone. My suggestions: More caregivers, tasty food and a large private room. If some people want to have a “job” make that possible. But many enjoy the extra activities like bingo, art classes and making music, lectures etc.
March 23, 2013 at 6:03 p.m.REPLYRECOMMEND1
emToronto
Is it feasible for 3-5 people to pool their resources, rent or buy a home and hire staff to assist them? Would government pay for part of all of this as it would be many times cheaper yet more humane than larger institutions?
March 23, 2013 at 10:11 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND5
bebarEast Coast
No matter how good the facility is, the most important thing family can do to make life more bearable for any care-needing person is to visit , and touch, and listen, almost EVERY DAY. This means p
lacing the person in a nearby facility, of course. No one matters more than family.
Most people say they would prefer to stay home or live with relatives. But that is not always best or even practical. So plan ahead! Choose your own place. Based on what I have seen of various senior living arrangements among our family and friends, I can say that IF I live to be 80 I will be shopping for a facility for myself (near my kids) and move in before I am 85. From what have seen, one key is to move into a continuing care facility (one that offers independent living with some amenities, assisted living, rehab/nursing, dementia care, and hospice) when you are still active and well enough to make friends and join in the activities. Most people wait too long – until the issue is forced upon them.
Please don’t let money be the only thing that matters.
March 23, 2013 at 10:10 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND3
MarinaSouthern Cal.
You are so very right and I hope to make sensible decisions around the same age you do.
In contrast, my in-laws clung to their single family home into their 90s, critically evaluating family members and friends who realized they were aging and needed to move to more suitable housing when they were younger (say, late 70s or early 80s.) So then, when my father-in-law died rather unexpectedly (after a very short and never really diagnosed illness), my nonagen
arian mother-in-law still figured she’d stay put. After awhile, thankfully, she did finally realize she was now A L O N E in a big house that she did not know how to take care of. After moving, however, into the local very nice CCRC (an an independent living resident) she lamented that she and her now-deceased husband should “probably” have moved sooner. No doubt about it, they should have, particularly because my father-in-law was by far the more gregarious of the two and would have facilitated their both making friends. Moreover, they were both physically agile in their 80s. Now, in her early 90s, my mother-in-law is far less mobile, though still remarkably healthy and mentally alert. And she is making a remarkable adjustment, but it is much harder than it would otherwise have been, and she’s having far less fun than she could be having if she had the chance to become more integrated when she could participate in more activities (especially off-site trips). At any rate, Bebar, it pays to plan ahead.
March 26, 2013 at 9:29 a.m.RECOMMEND
TrentonWashington, D.C.
“A good litmus test for when things really turn around will be when they stop paying sub-par wages to personal attendants, many of whom are women of color who work like crazy. That’s when we know there will be a change. Making sure that employees in these facilities are treated like human beings — like we would want to be treated. Until that happens, we’re going nowhere.”
Amen.
March 23, 2013 at 10:07 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND13
train rydernorth America
I spend almost 6 months of the year (in 4-5 week increments) in the “retirement home” where my Canadian partner lives full time.
For a while I was depressed because of the need and loneliness around me and the fact that I don’t “go home”.. I learned to connect by sitting, listening. As a female, I’m careful about touching men. altho, they DO need touch as much as the women do. I do as much as I have the energy to do. I still live my own life.. that’s very important. I remind some people of who they still are. I congratulate some people for just making it down the hall. the self-discipline and effort is equal to that of an athelete and I celebrate that.
The time will come when my William is gone. I’m beginning to search for my own solutions. The task of clearing out my home is already becoming overwhelming.
March 23, 2013 at 10:04 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND2
peaceatlanta
My parents, at gre
at expense, were in assisted care before their deaths. I agree that the general staff are greatly underpaid and they are understaffed and the care is low level. Like many of our problems here in the US, it comes down to corporate greed. In addition, my complaints to the authorities in PA, the overseers of nursing homes, went unheard. Taxes paid by us go to these for profits and they should be made to use more funds for care. Bottom line, if your rich, you can have good medical care. And, for those of you think socialism is a bad thing, I suggest you investigate how the rest of the developed nations care for the elderly and compare. By the way, those countries also have national child care, enabling non-skilled workers to go work.
March 22, 2013 at 4:10 p.m.REPLYRECOMMEND4
BarbaraLong Island, New York
Could someone set up Martin Bayne on a YouTube video and help him broadcast his insights to a wider audience? And how about interviewing him for a TV special report on the needs of aging boomers? There are more and more of us everyday.
March 22, 2013 at 4:10 p.m.REPLYRECOMMEND15
mkbayneCenter Valley PA
Barbara, contact me at mkbayne@alum.mit.edu
March 25, 2013 at 8:
21 a.m.RECOMMEND
Tess HardingThe New York Globe
As Boomer begin to age out in staggering numbers, Mr. Bayne’s interview was a like the canary in the coal mine. Isn’t it about time we woke up to the next phase of life and what it could be if mindful people like Mr. Bayne can help guide us?
March 22, 2013 at 4:10 p.m.REPLYRECOMMEND4
mkbayneCenter Valley PA
I’m ready when you are
March 25, 2013 at 8:21 a.m.RECOMMEND1
harryocolumbia
, sc
I ‘m a group therapist in a geropsychiatric outpatient program and It’s amazing the curative power of the group in freeing members of pent up feelings and Breaking through their isolation. They all gain so much in sharing and. Connecting with others going thru the same things–anger, rage,helplessness, powerlessness. This man expresses it so well.
March 22, 2013 at 4:10 p.m.REPLYRECOMMEND2
MLBoston
My mother spent two-and-a-half years in a nursing home. She had me to visit every day and bring her new stacks of large print books, that she spent all day, every day, reading. Without that stimulation, I’m very afraid she would have sunk into the torpor and despair I saw overcoming most other residents.
There are so many problems with nursing homes, but the overwhelming one I saw was that well over half of the residents–I’d guess seventy to eighty percent of them–had dementia. Those still mobile were in locked wards, but once they were in a wheelchair, they were down in the regular wings.
This presence of huge numbers of patients with dementia exerts incredible influence on the care of everyone. Underpaid, poorly trained aides tend to treat all residents as if they were not mentally a
cute. There is little effort made to provide books. The administration left the air conditioning on well into the fall so they could be comfortable in their suits. Meanwhile, the residents were freezing at night. I had my mother dressed as if she were camping in Maine. But so many of the residents have not the capacity to understand or complain.
I don’t know the answer. I just know I am doing everything I can to ensure no one of my family ever has to suffer through that experience again.
http://teachloveofreading.blogspot.com/
March 22, 2013 at 8:53 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND15
Judith E GrahamDenver
In our conversation, Martin Bayne recommended that people looking at assisted living centers and nursing homes find out what portion of the residents have dementia. This greatly influences the character of these facilities, as you’ve noted. If your older relative does not have dementia, it’s a good idea to think twice about putting him/her in a facility with a high number of residents who do have dementia.
March 22, 2013 at 4:10 p.m.RECOMMEND3
buffalogapBuffalo Ga
p, Virginia
Several years ago I met a lady from the AFL-CIO whose goal was to organize nursing home workers to press for better pay and basic benefits. It was very difficult, she said: “These women are so committed to their patients that they can’t imagine endangering them by opposing management.” She also said that I would be surprised to realize how very many of these women have disabled and/or needy family members at home…for whom they also care.
March 22, 2013 at 8:53 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND11
emToronto
In highly labour-intensive fields, unionization should be a snap as there is no way management can do the job. Go on strike for a day or two and let them try!
March 23, 2013 at 10:01 a.m.RECOMMEND1
Mary Shelley KleinFern Park, Florida
Mr. Bayne is performing a helpful service in telling what is expected in assisted living and how it might be improved. I’ve always wondered about the amount of sedation used since many of the patien
ts appear to be unresponsive. It would be wise for younger people to think about their futures before the unexpected hits them. We managed to keep my parents in their home and didn’t have money problems, but it was difficult and costly. I think we should just decide not to get old.
March 22, 2013 at 8:53 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND3
justcuriousoregon
Interesting comment, “decide not to get old”. My own elderly mother (and most of her cohort) constantly say they fear being dependent with dementia . . and yet they repeatedly seek medical intervention for every flutter, which pretty much guarantees they will end up dependent with dementia.
I myself live in a rural setting with limited access to health care. I used to think I should be responsible, and relocate to a better situation for health care as I age. Now, I think perhaps it would be wiser to just stay put, and die a more normal death when the time comes, without being saved time and again only to experience dependence with dementia.
March 22, 2013 at 4:10 p.m.RECOMMEND13
PDXPortland, OR
Assisted living is a little like an elephant being described by people wearing blindfolds: What it is differs depending on the perspective. Mr. Byrne describes more advanced assistance than what is typically available if he receives individual help several hours a day. Some facilities won’t accept people using wheelchairs, or who are incontinent.(I am not assuming that either is
true for him.) If you need help dressing, bathing, transferring, receiving your medications, you pay more — fees get assessed piece by piece.
As for attitude, someone moving in may not be ready to “seize the day” immediately. He/she/they may be moving under pressure from family or because of a partner’s difficulties. Adjustment takes time. But I agree — attitude of the other residents and staff means everything. And the importance of not becoming a passive recipient of care/services cannot be overstated.
March 22, 2013 at 8:53 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND4
Melo in OhioColumbus Ohio
When my late mother-in-law was at an assisted-living facility here in central Ohio, I used to spend a few minutes of each visit chatting with other residents in their rooms down the hall, and also came to lunch occasionally and engaged with her tablemates. It was fun for them and for me. If each visitor invests just a little time in the ‘community,’ it helps residents to keep connected with the larger world.
March 22, 2013 at 8:53 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND11
Unhappy camperPlanet Earth
Perhaps the most i
mportant role that government could play is to keep private long term care insurers from ‘cherry-picking’ clients, as regular health insurance had previously done but will no longer be able to do beginning next year. My husband and I tried to get LTC insurance in our mid-50s. He succeeded, I did not.
March 22, 2013 at 8:53 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND4
RosenaIowa
My own father spent time in 2 different nursing homes before he died of Alzheimers. The care in the first one was dismal, at best. Had my mother not gone each and every single day to feed him each and every single meal, the man would have starved to death. The second one was better, but a family member was still there every single day to ensure good care.
My husband and I are trying to make sound choices now to prepare for our elder years. We have been trying to buy a decent insurance policy to cover home health, assisted living, nursing home expenses. What we are finding is ridiculous. One particular sales rep went on and on about how her company wanted to help people stay in their own homes, so you could use the coverage for home health…BUT, the insurance would only pay 50% of the expenses.
When are we as a society going to address this issue? For most, there is not an acceptable answer for what to do with our seniors. Aging facilities and poorly educated and over-worked staffs are n
ot the answer. I do not have hope for the future as our population ages.
March 22, 2013 at 8:53 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND15
Helen ElderWashington state
I am particularly enlightened today by Mr. Bayne’s answer to the question “What would you do if you were in charge?” Seems like many of your wonderful suggestions would not cost a dime to implement. So why is it so hard for management, in this enormously profitable business, to take charge of such simple and graceful ideas?
March 22, 2013 at 8:53 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND13
C.Z.X.East Coast
If there were more of the supposedly exploited aides in these places and fewer administrators, that would already be an improvement.
March 21, 2013 at 10:57 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND9
Carol A. PreeceWashington, DC
My daughter worked in one facility where she was assigned 25 patents. She was constantly running to get the basics covered. With 15 years of experience and multiple skills including phleboto
my she earns no more than a first year CNA(certified nursing assistant) Medicare hourly rate for CNA services is $20 ph: my daughter receives $10. from the nursing home that retains the other 50%. A national disgrace! Yes, but there are so many disgraces, and so many millionaires that need car elevators in their multiple mansions.
March 23, 2013 at 10:01 a.m.RECOMMEND3
LauraColorado
Martin Bayne’s voice is very important. I’ve read him elsewhere and listened to him on NPR. We need him and others telling it like it is.
At the same time, what he shares doesn’t help me with the horrible guilt I feel in having placed Mom in one of those fancy assisted living centers that looks to be great but in all reality is just OK.
March 21, 2013 at 10:57 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND8
BevNew York
A worker (a RN) at th
e place where my mother placed herself (good of her) told me she was leaving the assisted living facility to work with sick children. She said working with old people was depressing because you get attached to them and then they die. So in addition to working for aides to get a liveable wage we need to consider the emotional toll of this work.
March 22, 2013 at 8:53 a.m.RECOMMEND14
suzanneNew York, NY
I would like to know where Mr. Bayne resides and what the labor pool is in the area for assisted living facilities.
There is not one decent assisted living in the Washington DC area. Not one. It is a total disgrace. The wages are disgraceful. I especially enjoy knowing that HCR Manor Care is owned by the Carlyle Group, I’m sure they’re funnelling tons of money back into the facilities. Yeah, right.
March 21, 2013 at 10:57 a.m.REPLYRECOMMEND12
READ ALL 5 REPLIES
GranVirginia
I live in Northern Virginia and am very familiar with many of the various assisted-care options here as a family member and volunteer. Like many states, Virginia has weak regulations concerning care in assisted living, unlike those for nursing homes and rehab units. As a result, quality varies termendously. But, yes, there are also decent facilities both here and in Montgomery County.
It’s fallen to consumers and family members to judge quality of life in a facility BEFORE entering a facility. Ask to see an actual activity calendar, not just a general description. What are the staffing ratios at various levels of care? How about staff turnover rates? When you observe the unit (not just on a tour with the marketers), how are the interactions between staff and residents? In talking to the residents, what do they like? dislike? What about their dining companions? Roommates, if any? Ask to see the library, check the hours, and its a
vailability to people in assisted living. Etc., etc., etc.
Check things like inspection reports, ombudsmen’s reports and follow-ups, etc. Many states make such info available on-line, just as they and private sources do for plumbers or roofing companies. Medicare.gov has good info on nursing homes and home health agencies, as does your local Area Agency on Aging. So, too, do other health professionals in the community.
So, yes, good choices exist. They’re not cheap (understatement), and they don’t necessarily have the prettiest wallpaper.
March 22, 2013 at 4:10 p.m.RECOMMEND1
DNNorthern Virginia
To Gran: Nursi
ng and assisted living facilities can seemingly meet the various criteria you mention and still have very serious problems (that will not be caught by state inspections or dealt with by state regulations). The information from Medicare.gov and other government sources only goes so far. I have dealt with the state regulatory agencies and what I have been
told repeatedly is: “Your complaint is valid and important, but we are limited in what we can do by state regulations and statutes.” When I spoke with the ombudsman, she spent most of the time talking about how much worse her parents’ care facility in another state had been. I could go on but my point is that people should not presume that because a facility seemingly meets certain criteria that they have the full picture and that it must be a good choice.That was the mistake my mother made.
March 23, 2013 at 10:01 a.m.RECOMMEND3
suzanneNew York, NY
FLAG
It’s really not quite that simple. Really. It’s a full time job doing what you suggest and not everyone has the luxury of doing things BEFOREHAND. Good for you. A lot of these places have devolved into places that are more like nursing homes than assisted living. They are so greedy just to get bodies in. No one should take care of the elderly for profiit and NO, there are not a lot of nonprofits. People are more particular about where they put their animals.
March 23, 2013 at 10:01 a.m.RECO